Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
