i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
