I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
