I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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