I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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