i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
