I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
