Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
