...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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