im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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