note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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