I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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