Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
