yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
