1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
