Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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