because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
