yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
