too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
