Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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