So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
