i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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