My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
