24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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