so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
