Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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