the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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