I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
