how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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