i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
