Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
