I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
