If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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