she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
