he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
