is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
