I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Two words: blizzard sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
