I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
