mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
