By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
