you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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