I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
