sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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