who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
