I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
