he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
