Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
