I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
