Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize