Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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