omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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