Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
