I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
