why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
