foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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