I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
