i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
