fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
